I cannot even begin to comprehend a love that is NOT based on my performance or my successes in life. I simply don’t understand this love that is unconditional. All human love has some sort of attached agenda that is based on success in the workplace, in society, in the bedroom, or in relationships in general.
This love that is so foreign to all that is human nature is surprisingly based not on my successes but on my FAILURES. It’s true. God know that it is my own awareness of the brokenness that has filled my life that drives me into the arms of His sacrificial love. I need not be fully aware of every one of these individual failings. God is Omniscient. He knows. But, I am told in Scripture that each past and present and future sin, shortcoming, or failure has been stamped with “Paid in Full” by the One who so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son (John 3:16). This Christ is the One of whom Moses and the prophets foretold would come and pay to the death for a debt that did not belong to Him. He came not to be served (though He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords), but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many (Matt 20:28)
Does this idea make you uncomfortable? What stirs within you when you read this? Is it possible that you are also struggling to comprehend this kind of love? Have you been burned for the last time where human love is concerned? There are really only two answers here. You will either dismiss this God and refuse the offer of His unfathomable love, or you will intentionally search Him with all your heart because your heart knows that there is no greater love.
We are never closer to God than when our hearts are open and free to receive His gentle caress. This is a rare but beautiful occurrence and is completely passive on our part. Humans are naturally repulsed by such love. We are so immersed in our uncleanness before this Holy God that we cannot fathom His unrelenting desire for union with us. Our brokenness has cast the pall of death over our entire being. How can we receive such indescribable love from this Almighty God, who is our Lover, and who actively pursues us while still in our stench so that He can make love to us? Only because the odor of rotten flesh which is so visceral to all our senses, is to God the sweet aroma of the sacrifice of His own Son. We must not deceive ourselves. When we refuse the advances of our God by using the excuse that we are so rotten that we cannot allow Him to enter into union with us, we make ourselves our own god and we close ourselves off to the highest pleasure this earthly life will afford. I have never been pursued like this by anyone else, have you?
I did not see it ending this way.
I simply pushed her out.
I was hurting and didn’t control myself.
Now she’s gone without a doubt.
Because I hate what I have done,
I’ll hate myself forever.
I have no respect for who I’ve become,
No chance for change, no, never.
I am older than I am wise;
There is a point of no return.
I’ve come this far and can only surmise
That what I have left will burn.
I can’t go forward, and I dare not go back.
I’m stuck in this position.
I missed the whole point of what I couldn’t hack,
So now I’m without a mission.
I’m without her.
I can’t do this alone.