Medication Blues

O

GOD.

MY

MEDICATIONSpill-bottles-4

ARE

NOT WORKING.

I

WILL

GO

MAD

WITH

SAD.

I’M

EXHAUSTED.

I

HAVE

LOST

MY

MARBLES

AND

MY

BALANCE.

PEOPLE

ARE

PICKING

ME

OFF

THE

FLOOR.

MY

BRAIN

IS

LAYING

BESIDE

MY

BODY.

EVERYONE

STARES.

 

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Paradox of Full: When We Think We Are, We Aren’t

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I recently read a blog that contained an excerpt of The Heidelberg Confession. I had to pause for reflection as I read:

“Q. What is your only comfort in life and in death?
A. That I am not my own, but belong – body and soul, in life and in death – to my faithful Saviour, Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven; in fact, all things must work together for my salvation. Because I belong to him, Christ, by his Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.”

What is my only comfort in life and in death? I can with all assurance say that I believe the answer above is my confession. But my life experience will show that I have not experienced the truth of those words. Not here, not now. I believe there is a future day when I will be with Christ and my fullness in Him will be realized. But can I experience that fullness now? Can you experience that fullness now? Perhaps. But our potential is blocked by the madness of sin in our lives. The sins that have been committed against us and the sins we have committed against ourselves and others. And these sins, at times, confuse the signals in our brains and cause us to feel empty when we really aren’t. I over-eat to compensate for my emptiness. While I have never been morbidly obese, the eating behavior is still present. It is hard-wired in my brain and tells me that eating is a pleasurable activity and I can feel full any time I want. Of course this is not true and many other people would attest to that, because we have to keep eating more and more. So, what is happening here is at the root of desire.

Every living thing on the planet has been given the gift of desire. Desires drive us toward fulfillment. We desire to be full or to be filled. We are motivated to seek fulfillment over and over. Why? Because we also experience emptiness. When we are empty we look for something to fill us again. We don’t like the feeling of emptiness, so we seek to be filled. This is good desire.

While our desires are common,( need for food, water, intimacy, etc) the expression of those desires (what we desire, where we desire, and with whom we desire) are as varied as each individual. Our past experiences, our culture and our families, in many ways, shape the expression of our desires. While the desires themselves have been declared by God to be “good,” sin and suffering has affected every part of our being as humans and that includes our desires.

The paradox is this: We attain to be filled here and now, and while we can have some fulfillment we can’t have it all. Everytime we engage in eating or sexual relations, sports, recreational activities, building our families, worshiping God (collectively or individually), we have to keep coming back to be filled and filled again. Because we get empty. We don’t like empty. And this is especially true of people who have been abused or are experiencing abuse of some kind.That is because their brain has lost the ability to recognize their own feeling of empty and full. So,some turn to sexual promiscuity, or they develop eating disorders, or eat more than their body can metabolize. They turn to drugs or alcohol to escape the unavoidable emptiness that is so much a part of their life.There is a heightened desire, almost a feeling of desperation to be filled all the time, but they cannot attain it.

Here is the solution: Since we can’t avoid emptiness on this side of heaven, we can choose to be grateful for the feeling of emptiness because it ultimately brings us to the only one who can fill us completely. He fills us with His Spirit for this life He has called us to. Everytime we feel empty we are reminded that we are totally dependent on God for our food, for our health and for our joy in living. Yes,on earth, we need to be filled over and over again. Because we belong to God and He has given every provision for us to come to Him for filling, we can know that in Heaven we will be filled with Himself and we will have no need for any other fulfillment. He is the Bread of Life, the Living Water and the Door by which we will enter into an eternity of riches that have been promised to anyone who is acquainted with physical and emotional hunger in this life. There will be no more cravings or hunger of any kind.

I want to leave my emptiness behind me. I want to be filled by the Spirit of the living God. I can give myself wholly to the Christ who emptied Himself so that I could receive His fullness. The Heidelberg confession lets us realize this dependence on the finished work of Christ, for our fulfillment now, and at the time of our death when we are finally emptied of this body that we carry on earth. Come with me on this journey, together we will discover the endless provisions of an Almighty God!

No Greater Love

gods-unconditional-loveI cannot even begin to comprehend a love that is NOT based on my performance or my successes in life. I simply don’t understand this love that is unconditional. All human love has some sort of attached agenda that is based on success in the workplace, in society, in the bedroom, or in relationships in general.

This love that is so foreign to all that is human nature is surprisingly based not on my successes but on my FAILURES. It’s true. God know that it is my own awareness of the brokenness that has filled my life that drives me into the arms of His sacrificial love. I need not be fully aware of every one of these individual failings. God is Omniscient. He knows. But, I am told in Scripture that each past and present and future sin, shortcoming, or failure has been stamped with “Paid in Full” by the One who so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son (John 3:16). This Christ is the One of whom Moses and the prophets foretold would come and pay to the death for a debt that did not belong to Him. He came not to be served (though He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords), but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many (Matt 20:28)

Does this idea make you uncomfortable? What stirs within you when you read this? Is it hiding from Godpossible that you are also struggling to comprehend this kind of love? Have you been burned for the last time wforgivenhere human love is concerned? There are really only two answers here. You will either dismiss this God and refuse the offer of His unfathomable love, or you will intentionally search Him with all your heart because your heart knows that there is no greater love.

Darkness Into Light

images (1)Traversing roads of encumbrance
Winding steeps of despair
Articulating the verbiage of depression
To a world that does not care.

Raucous cries from one beast to another
Emancipate me from this dark bitch night
Yawning is the abyss into which I have been cast
O God, rescue me that I would take flight

Into your waiting arms.

Marred Image

imagesCAV2TKK3Worship at Mars Hill Church in Seattle is never a boring, somber affair. I always feel the Lord’s presence and am acutely aware of my need to come before God in humility and “to worship Him in Spirit and truth.” (John 4:24).

One of the many things I like about the songs we sing at Mars Hill, is that most of them are old hymns that have been put to different music. The original lyrics are beautiful and rich in meaning, and the upbeat music helps create a more vivid image of God’s holiness and love for His creation. I can’t help but think that He is smiling down on us as we all lift our hands and faces to him. Even though I can’t sing worth a darn!

The following poem is one that I wrote about a year ago. It incorporates snippets of the verses of some of those hymns as well as the realization that apart from Jesus Christ, I am unworthy to even call God my Father. My image (as well as the image of every human being) was marred at the fall of all creation, but we are still made in God’s image and because Jesus died and cancelled our debt to God, if we but trust in Him through acknowledgement of our own sin and brokenness, we will one day see that our image will be made perfect and whole before Him. I can’t wait! Lots of symbolism in this one, which made it delightful to write. I hope you enjoy it.

 

Male and female made He them.

Oh! Look at that fruit!

In His own image made he them.

Isn’t it good to eat!

_

Jesus, the firstborn among men.

They heard Him walking in the garden.

Now they will die.

Now He will die.

_

It’s too late to ‘pologize, it’s too late!

My God, my God why hast thou forsaken me!

Now I lay me down to sleep, my sexual sins I’d like to keep.

Why art thou far from me?

What your hand findeth to do, do it with all your might!

_

Oh! Look at that fruit!

Isn’t it good to eat!

Is that a worm in the apple?!

_

Behold your redemption draweth nigh!

Grace, grace, God’s grace. Grace that is greater than all our sin!

What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the…Jesus!

Whose is that image in the mirror?

I can’t see a thing. The mirror is stained with…

Is that blood?imagesCA1BS70E