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Indecision (aka: Coming or Going?)

I am back from taking a break from blogging. Some of you expressed concern over my absence. Trust me, it was noticed and appreciated. I have gone through some times of depression as well as times of stability. I needed to step back from blogging to make sure it wasn’t becoming a “high” for me that I would become addicted to. Uncertainty

Indecision is a good description of my primary feeling as the year 2013 wraps up and the year 2014 looms ahead. There is always uncertainty regarding the future because I do not have a mind that can look into it. While the experiences of this past year have shaped me somewhat for the coming year, there is also much of the past year I would as soon leave behind. There have been times this past year where I have felt the One Who holds my hand. I have wrestled with Him over the uncertainties of this life, and He has held tight when I have wanted to let go. His love is relentless and He wants me more than I want Him.

My hope for 2014 is that whether my mind is clouded by confusion or whether there are times of clarity, I just want to remain aware of the One Who holds my hand.

Am I coming or am I going?

Either/or is what it seems.

Am I being or am I doing?

One or the other, or in between.

*

Do I say it, or display it,

when I’m trying to make a point?

Can I take it, or shall I leave it,

when I’m pushed upon and out of joint?

*

Do I address with aggression,

or suppress my repression?

The expression of assertion seems so foreign to me. 

How do I say it right? Isn’t this just all about fright?

*

How do I relate without fearing?

Stand tall without tearing?

Face others without jeering

like others who seem to know…

*

When they are coming and when they are going. 

What they are doing and who they are being.

*

They know when to say it and how to display it.

They can take it or they can leave it when pushed out of joint.

*

They don’t address with aggression, nor suppress their regression.

They assert what they hurt, and give flight to their fright.

*

They relate without fearing and stand tall without tearing.

They face others without jeering, because they know…

Who holds their hand.

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2 thoughts on “Indecision (aka: Coming or Going?)

  1. Thanks Topaz! God is not done with me yet! My house was burglarized on Christmas Eve Day while I was at work and enjoying Christmas Eve service with two of my sons. Left me feeling a bit shaky, but am much better now. They got my laptop with all my journals, poetry, etc., so I hope they enjoy it! Either that or the HD will be wiped clean and then I will have a whole lot of new writing to have to come up with! What a crazy life!

    Jane

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