Home » Uncategorized » The End of Therapy (How do you feel about that?)

The End of Therapy (How do you feel about that?)

imagesCA5XFSRUAllow me to make this clear at the outset. What I have put in the lines below are not necessarily a reflection of my own experience with therapy. I happen to admire my therapist a great deal. She is a godly woman and I do believe she genuinely cares for my soul. But some of my frustrations with the therapeutic process do come out in these verses. No doubt, those of you who are in therapy or have spent a good deal of time with a therapist, will see your own feelings here as well.

Cast me aside.

Can you do that with a straight face?

Do your years of training prepare you to discard so easily what you took in so warmly?

How do you feel about that?

I was reeled in little by little to keep me from fighting, to prevent me from snapping the line.

But the hook is still in my belly.

I will bleed to death slowly until I die.

How does that make you feel?

You caught me but I am of no good to anyone.

My insides are torn and bloodied, though you tried to heal me.

You didn’t heal me at the source. You couldn’t risk being pierced by my hook.

Tell me more about that.

Does my brokenness remind you of your own?

Does my sexuality arouse in you what you fear in your own?

Does my depression drag you down your own slippery slope?

Would you like to talk about that?

You want me to be honest with you. Well, I am.

You may be the therapist, and I the client.

But this is how I feel. Abandoned to die.

Can we take a moment to breathe, then address this issue, please?

I came to you looking for answers, and you gave me some.

We are still working at finding the others, and sometimes the questions, too.

But I feel as though you have packed up the equipment and thrown away the bait.

Are you feeling this, too?

Will you really leave me on the shore to die?

Will you teach me to take oxygen into my lungs, when I crave water to quench my thirst?

Is it against the rules of professional ethics to love beyond a specified limit, to care for only so long?

This must be very difficult for you.

This is what I wish. I wish you were as honest with me as you want me to be with you.

Instead of not answering my emails, I want you to tell me that you will not answer them.

Tell me that you are uncomfortable with my dependency and you want me to stop.

Tell me the truth.

I also wish you were not afraid to touch me.

My need for touch is not the same as my need for sexual intimacy.

You used to touch me occasionally, reassuringly. Now you don’t touch me at all.

Will you tell me the reason for this?

I am a child who is not yet weaned.

I have a mother who despised me and despised the womb that bore me.

Will you also abandon me before I am ready to fly?

Would you please answer why?

Of course I will see you next week at the regular time.

We will both pretend that all is well, that progress is being made.

But one day I will stop coming because I will have bled to death.

The hook that neither of us could talk about will finally have had it’s way.

I can’t tell you how awful that makes me feel.

How do you feel about that?

How does that make you feel?

Tell me more about that.

Would you like to talk about that?

Can we take a moment to breathe, then address this issue, please?

Are you feeling this, too?

This must be very difficult for you.

Tell me the truth.

Will you tell me the reason for this?

Would you please answer why?

I can’t tell you how awful that makes me feel.

Excuse me, but do therapists realize that we are actually human, like they are?

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